Caveman Conundrums [STARRING: Zonky Blong and the Sofa King!][OPEN CASTING]

Zonky Blong sat upon his sofa, watching the magic picture box. It seemed to Zonky that whoever was in charge of making such garbage sorcery should've been tied to a mammoth which would then be speared to get it running. This was simply no fun. It was only then that the owner of the house walked in. "What the?!" Asked the homeowner, who for some reason seemed upset at the neanderthal on a floating sofa in his apartment. "Hush, person. Zonky is watching paleo diet advice. Zonky not recognize the food, but it supposedly good for heart. Zonky not know what that is, but he think it good thing."

After being properly lambasted, Zonky decided to take his leave. After stealing a sizable percentage of junk food, and outrunning the police; Zonky decided to visit the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. He didn't know why he was so attracted to the place, maybe it was the mammoth that was recently placed on display near the front. Zonky floated into the museum and began looking around happily. He was surprised at the amount of detail they placed on the mammoth reconstructions. Why, they even smelled like hot garbage! And seeing as Zonky had recently eaten trash when his sofa had rebooted. It tasted and smelled very similar to mammoth pelt.

It wasn't until Zonky had heard a group of children talking about the new Neanderthal recreation, that his interest was peaked. He hovered over to the exhibit which... surprised him. It was almost like he could reach out and touch his wife and child. The holographic images were so real. He began reaching into the exhibit and touched the bones of his wife. It hadn't sunk in that she would've died so long ago, and then. He looked over to the less muscular, less fit male... The single worst thing he could see. Gary... Well, Gary and some humans that were pointing spears at his family. The bones of his daughter were damaged as well. It seemed to Zonky that the humans had killed them. He felt the rage boil in his unevolved mind.

"Sofa King! Kill!" The sofa blasted the exhibit to ashes before his very eyes. He flipped around the couch. "Sofa King, roll!" He yelled, and the couch transformed into a heavy ball. He drove it into a crowd of people, watching the screen in front of his face. The T-Rex skeleton collapsed underneath the attack. When armed security guards came out with anti-metahuman weaponry. Zonky knew he had to switch modes. "Sofa King protect!" The ugly ball of vomit colored sofa transformed into a hard spiked armor which protected him from the blasts of lightning being shot from the guards weapons. He ran towards one of them, and smacked him straight in the face with a spiked gauntlet. He roared a challenge to any and all who dared defy his will. He was a god with this couch, and these people had taken his wife, his daughter, and his - well, Gary was probably for the best. But still! Zonky wanted to kill Gary! It was about time someone taught them a lesson.

Something drew Lilliana to a specific timeline, as it seemed a being existed that could well...fuck everything up. The gunslinger took a long gulp from her trusty bottle of whiskey before entering the shifting tear in time and space.

An instant later, the drunk emerged into a museum, to see a caveman staring at an exhibit. "The fuck do we have..err here" she let out a quiet burp, while keeping a distance. Something about that sofa made her skin crawl, as if it was the catalyst of all this mayhem.

Within moments, the caveman began to throw a tantrum, causing her to sigh. why couldn't he have just gone on his marry way.. Lilliana outstretched her robotic arm, closing the hand, as if she was loosening tension in her original, fleshy limb. She shook each limb to prepare herself, as she drew her hand cannon.

BANG BANG, the gunshots echoed through the museum, as she stood on the now fallen Trex head "Everyone get the hell outta my...hick..uhh...way, yah." She nodded her gun towards the anti meta guards, glaring at them "Means you too..this prehistoric fuck is under my jurisdiction, got it?

Lilliana returned her eyes back to the Neanderthal "Yo, you speak English or do I gotta beat it into you?"

Figuring that he would round out his vacation with a hopefully quieter visit to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History, Israel made his way over to the museum with a heavy sigh as he noted quite early on that this would not be the case...

Having come from a not at all relaxing trip to London followed by an even less relaxing trip to Egypt, Israel was wondering what else could possibly go wrong with his vacation when he saw what appeared to be a Neanderthal floating on a very distastefully colored sofa.

Being rather mentally exhausted from his most recent excursions, he ignored this initially and admired some of the exhibits, but this peace did not last long as something about the Neanderthal exhibit triggered the caveman turned floating couch potato, and his obviously not too normal couch that was floating him around transformed into various implements of both destruction and self-preservation.

"Can't I just have a vacation?" Israel said with a groan before yet another unexpected visitor made her entrance... A dimensional tear opened in reality and in stepped what appeared to be a cranky, drunken huntress from Destiny. This was a bit hilarious considering his own appearance...

Now what? He thought, Is this a cosplay convention or a museum?

For now, he attempted to clean up the mess and get people out of the way of the destruction with numerous "cloth" bands from his person, each of which flew out from him towards different civilians in the way, pulling them to the relative safety that their newfound distance from their aggressor afforded them. These bands would heal any of their injuries overtime as well with merkavic infusions of life energy.

Michael was visiting the museum because his past vacations always went terribly and he thought nothing could go wrong at a museum but of course he was wrong. He was in the Greek exhibit when a caveman on some sort of magic couch started killing people. I want one day just one day to go perfectly normal is that to much to ask? he mumbled to himself. he entered a bathroom where he took off his cloths and preceded to turn into his demon form and then rushed out of the bathroom. Hey you cave idiot he shouted at the caveman stop right now or else. If the caveman didn't stop Michael would rush towards him as fast as he could and punch his couch as hard as he could hoping to break it.

Andre loved museums, and the Smithsonian was by far his favorite. They stood as monuments, collecting the whole of human history and laying them out in an easily accessible way, allowing the general public a look at their collective story. The Museum to Andre held the same kind of reverence one would have for their church or mosque, in that a was a place of reflection, appreciation, and safety.

Or it should be, however a variety of loud crashes and thuds, followed by the screams of fleeing civilians interrupted Andre's attempts at thoughtful contemplation, and forced him to act. Moving against the flow of people all rushing towards the exits, he caught a glimpse of a strange sight. Multiple super powered beings having a tussle near the Neanderthal exhibit. It took mere seconds of observation for him to assess the situation. The caveman-looking beast was the aggressor, and the other three could be classified as the 'heroes' in this given moment.

"I'd better lend a hand, see if we can't put this beast down sooner, hopefully limiting the damage."

With a thought, Andre activated the Spade v1, and extended his arms and legs as the armor slid over them, crazing his neck in preparation before the mask slid over his face. Inside, the display came to life, and Andre was greeted with a variety of different calculations, suggestions, and data on all parties involved. He observed the battle for another second, before deciding that the man with the rags seemed capable of handling the civilian element, so he launched into battle.

"Well," he began, aiming his Stun Blaster at the caveman, "I've seen some life-like exhibits before, but the Smithsonian has outdone itself with you, big fella." he quips, before unleashing a blast of electrical energy at the beast. He'd follow this up by flying into the air backwards, attempting to put some distance between himself and the beast.